A good friend of mine who is a business coach posted something on social media this week about one of her programs.
She offered some of the reasons people who were interested in her program had shared with her about why they couldn’t or wouldn’t sign up to work with her this month.
She talked about these reasons and offered her point of view about why now just may be exactly the right time to join her program and do the work. She offered her work proudly and invited people to join her.
Because she’s a woman running her business.
Because she is giving and creative.
Because she can back up what she says.
Because she believes in dreams — her own and those of others.
And then there was a comment on her post that went something like this:
“Don’t buy into this person’s business. Her program in an international setting is a scam. It’s an extravagant amount of money. Travel the world on your own. Google it. You can build your own dreams. And frankly, she’s selling a lifestyle that doesn’t exist.”
I’ll tell you right away that I had a “who the fuck are you and do you have any idea about what you are talking about?” reaction to that comment.
This commenter was writing about the ideas and services of a friend and colleague I trust and know well, so you can call that bias; but even when I don’t know someone as well as this particular coach / entrepreneur and a troll-type shows up in their space and tears them down, I think it’s out of line.
My belief is that if you don’t agree, move the fuck on; don’t spew your issues and insecurities all over another person’s idea. Or their wall.
But you want to know what truly got under my skin about that comment and that I’ve been thinking about off and on through my plane ride today?
“She’s selling a lifestyle that doesn’t exist.”
Does that tell me anything about my friend, the coach, and her work?
It does, however, tell me everything I need to know about the troll.
If you can’t honor, much less observe, another person’s offering to the world to help people achieve their dreams, that’s sad to me.
And furthermore, what do you know about the “lifestyle” of another person’s choosing and their drive and capacity to realize it?
Chaps my ass.
Here’s what I know about “a lifestyle that doesn’t exist.”
I am 45 years old; a wife and mom from Louisville, Kentucky.
I was brought home the week I was born to a four room apartment with my very young parents and I now live in the dream house I worked hard to purchase with my husband last year.
I’ve done work in my life that’s run the gamut from mopping cafeteria floors to creating coaching programs that helped me earned more money in a month than I earned in a year working for someone else.
I’ve been pregnant five times and had one live birth — my daughter. I had four miscarriages in a row in less than two years that I feared were going to emotionally shatter me for the rest of my adult life.
I flew on the last available flight out of my city to a tiny island in the Pacific Ocean to sit with my son’s birth mother and our son (my adopted son) in a hospital the night he was born. I learned something about my soul that night that has never, ever left me.
I’ve been up to almost 70 lbs. above my natural weight when I was pregnant and struggled for years to lose around 40 extra lbs. around I carried on my body during my 30s.
When I became a student of my life versus a harsh critic and learned to love and respect my body, the struggle ended. I lost the weight. My energy could light up a city. I am strong enough to kick a door down if I need to. Most importantly, I love and respect my body and my life.
I travel with my family for beach vacations once or twice a year where we fight in the car, sing songs, and stop at Chic-fil-a (which is always too fucking crowded).
I am also an unabashed and gleeful jet setter who is a student of the world — the places I’ve visited in the world have been some of my greatest teachers.
I’ve been a woman nearly sitting in my husband’s lap in my psychiatrist’s office less than five years ago because I was so crippled with fear about my crushing bout with depression and thoughts that I wouldn’t survive it.
I’m a warrior of the soul who knows it is absolutely crucial that my mind and body must have the time, rest, fuel, medicine, movement and relationships to thrive.
I don’t just have a light that I will not let be extinguished — I have a shining, hard diamond within me that I will not let be cracked.*
I am a beautiful, whip-smart, hilarious and compassionate bon vivant who will love as hard as I want, make as much money as I want, travel as much as I want, serve others as much as I want in all the ways I choose AND I EXIST.
My dreams existed and now my lifestyle exists. I made it so.
Don’t ever, ever, ever let anyone tell you that what you want does not exist if you believe in the possibility of transcending struggle OR making your happy and secure life bigger and more bodacious.
There are people like me who are here to help you with the tools, wisdom, energy, expertise and love if you choose to invite us into your life.
And you can also choose not to.
It’s your life, what I call your body of work. It’s not just something you “get through” or have to watch from the sidelines — you get to create it on purpose.
What you want does exist and fuck all the noise that says it doesn’t. I’m a goddess who continues to live to tell.
And so, if it’s time for you to do some dedicated, purposeful, fun and life changing work around the lifestyle you want, that’s what I help people do.
I have a six week program called Body of Work and we’re getting started on Sept. 21st.
You choose your terms, your goals and your dreams and I help you get there.
Maybe it’s about time you decide to end the battle with your body and your weight and want to know what it means to meet yourself with love, respect, strength and compassion instead of exasperation, doubt, shame and frustration.
Maybe it’s time for you to make a plan for the next phase of your life: an exit strategy from one job to another; starting a new business; life after a new baby or when your children have left the nest.
Maybe you’ve struggled with anxiety and have decided that you’re done spending so much time worrying about imagined consequences, the opinions of others and whether what you’re doing is enough.
Maybe you have an “I’ve always wanted to…” list and it’s time to stop saying that and start doing it.
My six week program, Body of Work, is allll about that. And more.
There are a few spots left in the course and the first class is on Wednesday, September 21st.
Go to www.laura-wagner.com/bodyofworkcourse to get all of the details, your questions answered AND register for your spot. I’m closing registration on Sept. 19th.
So you’ll be in a powerful community of women in the Body of Work program; it’s a telecourse, so participants can be from all over the country and outside the U.S.. AND, you get the bonus of a live connection with even more uplifting, positive females when you attend Lavish.
The lifestyle — whatever you want it to be — does exist. Get in there and get after it.
*My “diamond” reference in this post was inspired by a documentary I watched on my flight today. Gloria Vanderbilt and Anderson Cooper (mother and son) collaborated on a beautiful story of their lives, love and loss. It’s call “Nothing Left Unsaid” and it’s terrific (you can find it on HBO).