Stop Trying To Win

I was talking with someone recently who said she was familiar with my work through friends-of-friends-of-friends.

The conversation turned towards how long I’d been working in personal development and how my practice has evolved over the past five years.

This person said they knew I’d changed a lot; and in fact, shared with me that a few women who’d worked with me or followed my work in some fashion had expressed this:

“I liked what she had to say more before she got into all of this ‘glamour girl’ stuff … “


Really. I’m not being snarky.

Just a few months ago, actually, I might have riffed on that comment and plowed through a rage-against-the-machine defense.

I would have been mad, and that would have been okay. It’s all emotions; they aren’t bigger than my spirit. They ebb and flow.

I actually expressed on Facebook last week that I felt like “I couldn’t win” when it came to being more “approachable” or “appealing” to people. 

As it stands right now in November 2017, I’ve taken the comment into consideration and have decided to keep on being me and doing the work I do.

I don’t need to bother with a diatribe or defense.

Sometimes I want to. Just not now.

I think that’s connected to some of the trials I’ve experienced this season and how I see myself coming through on the other side of those.

I have a renewed sense of clarity around where I want to put my energy these days.

Some people say “I just can’t win” out of frustration.

I think it’s actually kind of liberating to let that thought — the pursuit of “winning”– go.

Let it go. 


When you can let it go, you can give yourself the freedom to be who you are on your terms.

You can say what you need to say and look how you want to look.

What I know to be true about myself on the inside that wins my own heart over every time:

  • I love and experience life as fully as I can. I don’t save that for special occasions.
  • I am here to help people.
  • I am kind.
  • I have opinions. I like expressing them to be of service. Sometimes for my sole satisfaction. Sometimes I engage in discourse. Sometimes I’d rather not.
  • I’m madly in love with my family and friends and I’m not afraid to show and tell them.
  • I value beauty.
  • I value freedom.
  • I believe our bodies are miracles.
  • I believe that how we express ourselves with our outer appearance means something.
  • I believe courage and creativity are fueled by what’s happening inside of us as much as how we present ourselves outwardly.


I look at that collage of photos spanning from 2012 to the present and see an evolution. I love all of those eras of myself.

I was growing up. I still am.

My personhood and my message, to me, hasn’t been watered down.

That’s because I am my own muse — in and out of the closet.

If anything, everything has become stronger and more clear. Maybe that’s why some people aren’t comfortable with “all of this ‘glamour girl’ stuff.”

Remember this:  sometimes people aren’t going to get it.

They’ll hear and see what they want to hear and see and make a judgment that will have nothing to do with you.

And there you are again — not “winning” — but that’s really the best news ever.

Keep being you. Your life. Your style. Your lifestyle.


Think about this:

What do you know to be true about yourself that wins your heart over every time?

Where is it time to stop “winning” in your life and show up more fully as yourself?

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